What is it about motherhood that attracts so much worry? Among the paperwork I signed at the hospital, there might have been a form for giving lifetime residence to worry in a part of my brain. Sometimes when I run out of serious things to worry about I find myself worrying about any trivial matter.
My husband often recounts a story he read in his Marathi Lit. class called “Murkhancha bazar ( a market of fools)” in which a woman cries sore over a coconut fallen from the tree, worrying that in the event she had a child, who would have been sleeping under the tree, the coconut-fall might have been fatal. In fact she did not even have a child. So when I worry , I set up a market of foolishness around me.
I recently met a young girl, through our family friends . She is of Indian origin and has been living in Canada since the age of four. Over the course of our acquaintance, I found out that she knew very little about her family’s home town and their roots let alone the whole of India. I would confess, that I saw a possibility of my own Canadian born daughter to become that way in future. Detached from her family’s past and I have been on the worry treadmill since then. Please dont get me wrong, I am not judging my young friend, But as a mother and a proud Indian, I would like to pass on some stories and information about the whole idea of India to my children. for them to be aware of where they came from and what went into making them what they are…..and things like that …..
Once again my dear husband came to my rescue when he pulled the plug on my worry machine. He reminded me that as parents we have to hold our children lightly in our hands , enough to support them when they need us and enough to set them free when they are ready. Holding them tighter could mean withholding them from finding their own wings. As an immigrant , I often try too hard to fit in and blend in with the culture around me. Unlike me my daughter is not a transplant, she is born here and has to find her sense of belonging here and to India by herself. My role as a mother is to be available, lend an ear and teach her what I know. What she does with it , is her own choice.
Future is out of our control yet we spend so much mental and emotional currency on it. The psalmist says,”Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble”
For now my worries are at rest…..but that is only till the time I find something new to worry.
May be I can say to my worries too…..Phir Milenge!! (see you again in Hindi)