A change in status

After an extended 14 month maternity leave, I joined back the work force today.

The economic forces of the world won! No longer am I a stay-at-home-mom but a working mom.

If you’d ask me how my day went, I would probably not be able to answer you in a word…… and that’s why you’d have to endure reading the entire blog post.( don’t worry, I am not turning this blog into mommy-diaries … not yet anyways!) . To my surprise while I was  enjoying my time with my baby the wheel of time were turning, and everybody else was going about their daily lives, changes were happening but I was looking with a fixed gaze at each little step, listening to every jumbled word and was engrossed in everything else my baby was doing. Just a little background, I went back to work with my old employer in a new company. While there were a couple of familiar faces (people who have followed him there) there were plenty of new faces and new systems. The baby was under the supervision of a friend who has agreed to babysit . I will call her C for the time being.

Oh my god! I’m late! – Oh! I am early! need to wait and manage the race of thoughts in my mind to see which one wins.

Nervous excited – Just nervous – Just excited – no! Nervous excited it is. Am I doing the right thing? confused. Wonder how the baby is doing- sad.                       

Call Husband- Meet boss- Round of introductions-is that a smile on my face? Happy.

Missing the baby, overwhelmed – call C to check on baby –  do some work – relief – Should I call C again? – Some work. Tired already. Should I call C again? -Call husband instead. Call C anyway. – Some work. What? they don’t do things the good old way. sulk!- May be I should call C again? Look at my watch- This can’t be right- only 15 minutes went by- look at the documents on my desk. – repeat 30 times – it’s a wrap hurray!

I came back home and gave my baby a big hug! for those 20 minutes I don’t know how other working moms manage things, But if my first day back at work is anything to go by, it is extremely difficult. Seems like every momentary pause that you can possible take in your mind, gets hijacked by thoughts of the baby. I was feeling like a tennis ball being tossed around between focusing on work and thinking about baby. I am sure things will get better with time. And for the time being, its just one step in front of the other – learning the walk at work – one baby step at a time.

Oh ! and the race of emotions that I mentioned earlier – turns out its a marathon and almost everyone makes it to the finish line.

Phir Milenge!

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